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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

'Middle Wife'

My Best friend from high school Patti just sent this to me.

I thought it to cute not to pass on.

'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen
Years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth
Story I know is the one I saw in my own second
Grade classroom a few years back.
When I Was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always
have A few sessions with my students. It helps them get
Over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty
Tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,
Pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And
I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations
On them. If they want to lug it into school and
Talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one Day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
Outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the
Front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her Sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an Infant.
'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm
Going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made Him as a symbol of their love,
and then Dad put a Seed in my Mom's stomach, and
Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the
Pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I
Had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching
Her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,
'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her
Back and groans. 'She walked around the house for,
Like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing
A hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
But she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
Like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back
Against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom
Had this bag of water she kept in there in case
He got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled
All over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has
Her legs spread with her little
Hands miming water flowing away. It
Was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts
Saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They
Started counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He
Was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
Was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there
Must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got
Out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up
In there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big
Theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure
I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when
it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just
In case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

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  1. That is too funny!!

  2. lololololol. This is great. I think I will have to link Katie.

  3. This is incredibly funny!!!!!! Thanks for sharing!! Cathy


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